Film Micrœview #76: Monsters (2010)

05.17.2014 § Leave a comment


nice tramp stamp

Rating: Evil.

I hated this movie.

I watched it because it’s the earlier movie the guy who’s directing the new Godzilla movie made.

The movie was so ponderous that I ended up watching it at 1.18x speed, which injected some slight humor into the performances, but not enough to save the thing.

I think the point of this movie was to take the typical monster movie, and then make it turn out that oh wow the monsters aren’t evil, they’re just being animals, being territorial, breeding, etc. So it then decided to focus on the human drama. The problem was they confused flirting for drama. This was like an hour and a half of excruciating supposed romantico-sexual tension between a disaster photographer and his boss’s daughter, who is engaged to another man. This other man must have to be the slimiest, lamest cretin ever for this guy to appeal over him. Also, the writing and performances were so heavy-handed I felt like I was being bludgeoned with every cliche narrative development, except that even worse (is it worse?) they were all whiffing air.

The girl was a decent person I guess, but this guy! OMFG. Scoot McNairy is on my blacklist now. The actor must be the hugest piece of shit to be able to embody such a huge piece of shit as this guy. Worst survivor ever. Annoying as fuck. Culturally insensitive. Total dickhole. Wouldn’t stop asking retarded questions.

The movie loops back around to the beginning at the end, which I guess was supposed to be clever, but it was pointless.

The problem with this movie is that actually it was a shitty episode of a shitty SyFy TV series that was drawn out way too long.

I can see why this guy was tapped for Godzilla — I’m sure that when paired with decent writers, actors, and money, he won’t fuck it up, and his sensitivity to monsters will be a much better fit than Emmerich.


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