Film Micrœview #243: Jupiter Ascending (2015)

10.05.2015 § Leave a comment

Jupiter Ascending

Rating: Evil.

I have to believe the Wachowskis have been studying hard about how to enshittify their filmmaking, because they are getting worse, and worse, and worse, and worse.

From cinematography, to dialog, to acting, to action, to story, to production design, to special effects, everything is cliche and terrible. It’s like if you took everything horrible about the Matrix sequels, mixed it with everything horrible about the Star Wars prequels, and then mixed in everything awesome about The Fifth Element except mixed in the exact opposite of everything that was awesome.

Talking heads exposition while the camera rotates around for no reason. Characters disappear and appear for no reason. Throw in some failed nods to Ikiru and Men In Black for no reason. No stakes. They must have been trying to set a world record for how many times one character can rescue another. The titular character is more useless (she could have at least commanded an army of bees) and sexist in her portrayal than any Disney princess, and at the end does nothing with her power to fix the problem with the world. They’ve really jumped the shark here w/r/t harvesting human plots.

I give up on you, Wachowskis.

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