Dream 609: The Big Birds will be Televised

08.03.2019 § Leave a comment

Watching TV, though I know it’s no good for me. Here’s what’s on:

We’re about to go on a cruise from California NE across the Pacific to Alaska, but before embarking: a demonstration sameltimeously of the distance we will be covering and the supreme might of the Big Bird military! From the cliff face emerges their ultima-weapon, a cannon capable of firing a capsule with a Big Bird at multiple Machs, crossing the Pacific 99% of the way in less than 2 seconds, then blowing open the capsule so the Big Bird can parachute down safely into the calm, safe waters in sight of the Aleutians. A friendly wild right whale appears to chauffeur Big Bird the rest of the way; it is happy even to make multiple passes at picking him up after the first one is botched, Big Bird basically ending up clinging to its fish-like-vertical tail fin, rendering it useless for locomotion and I would think painful for the giant water creature.

When all us vacationing Big Birds have arrived in Alaska, the attack begins. The whale crashes through the ceiling of the primary school classroom ceiling, collapsing it, killing most inside instantly. The rest are gunned down in short order. Dancing on the bodies of the dead schoolchildren, one Big Bird begins striking out all the starting letters of words on the chalkboard starting with “rage”, such as “courage”, “average”, “mirage”, and “forage”, leaving the board with a bunch of mangled lessons about rage. This was definitely not how I thought this re-education was going to go.

Sadly, the Big Birds replace the school with a giant cafeteria that only serves McDonalds and which only about 10 Big Birds occupy at a time, a major mis-allocation of resources.

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