Autobet font

09.14.2018 § Leave a comment

I’ve built a font (using Calligraphr to fiddle with characters from Roboto Slab) where every character is created by rotating, mirroring, or translating either another character or itself. I named it Autobet (a cross between ‘alphabet’ and ‘Autobots’, one of the groups of Transformers, because the font is created by transforming letters of the alphabet… nyuk nyuk).

Download your preferred font file format here:

This only includes the uppercase and lowercase Latin alphabet, Arabic numerals, and a few punctuation marks; it is not a complete font. Also, I couldn’t find effective transformations for F, T, R, and K, so I had to get a bit creative with those. Feel free to play around with it though.


09.09.2018 § 2 Comments


welcome home
welcome to mumbo kidney misery
tombstone lumps
welcome to the muñeca and misery
I nicely crawl on my breasts, nurse in a mitten
besides that, I’m curious.

horn in a half-hearted mouth, ramble in a mite
held as she sleeps and sleeps
all night roundabouts
tomorrow suddenly
I am going to replace it
afterwards peeling off
and squirting morning snowboarding
at the same time
standing on foot
beginning together
satellite morning harvest
pleasantly and conveniently
to grab it, to grasp it
to grab it and to grab it
to grab it and to grab it
take hold of it
grab it and others
and when to grab
gotten from you
from the outside

on the other hand
sandwiched by vegetables
soy sauce sipping hands
sorry, this, sir

sorry for late confinement
I do not have a mental arthritis
I do not have a mumbo

bring it to the shop
turnaround alternative
sorry about that

* What’s funnier than Google-translated Japanese?

Google-translated yomikata — purely phonetic readings of Japanese — i.e. strings of hiragana without any kanji to help to mark word boundaries and differentiate between words with the same pronunciation (of which in Japanese in particular there are many). Google Translate was surely not designed to cope with missing this critical semantic and morphological information.

This is a poem I cobbled together out of such nuggets of ridiculousness on a website for traditional family crests. I had searched for those containing the Japanese word for “outside” (hence the title). I have barely begun to experiment in this medium; in fact, I haven’t even checked out the results for a single other query yet (read: it might get way better than this).

undekatakanifiable puns

04.15.2017 § Leave a comment

I’ve been in Japan for almost three months and just realized that two amusing things I’ve encountered follow a pattern: they are puns on words which have been converted into katakana, and are only possible after conversion into katakana.

Information is lost when converting to katakana. The distinction between many vowels is lost, as there are only five vowel sounds in Japanese (something like 20 in English). The distinction between r and l is lost; both become the Japanese consonant r which is somewhere between r and l. The distinction between syllable terminal m and n is lost; both become the Japanese consonant n which ends up sounding like an n or an m depending on the voicing of the consonant beginning the next syllable.

Consider two words which in their native language would not be similarly enough pronounced to make puns out of. Once converted into katakana, their pronunciations are simplified and converge such that they are similar enough to make puns out of. Thus they are un-de-katakan-ifi-able puns.

Here’s the examples I’ve found so far.


Sherlock Holmes + rock n’ roll = Sherlock n’ Roll!


pain (French for bread, pronounced pɛ̃) + lampshade = pampshade


smooth + zoo = smoozoo


01.23.2016 § Leave a comment

a type of poem which follows the form of an anagram but instead of each line starting with the letter of the vertical word, a word which doesn’t start with that letter is chosen and it is misspelled to start with that letter (which may or may not also be a word, or you can just add or delete letters, as long as the word you intend is recognizable, if only from context)

For example:



spliced names

04.27.2015 § Leave a comment

  1. Albert Randal Bertrand
  2. Ahabernathan Abragrahamilton
  3. Rebecky
  4. Alvincent Calvincent Kevincent Marvincent Millivincent
  5. Harvis Marvey Jarvin
  6. Jasperry Walterry Lesterry Peterry Reubenjaminsteresa
  7. Landonaldous Brandonaldous Byronaldous Rogeraldous Archibaldous
  8. Irwinfrederick Winnifreda Patrichard Cedricardoyle Ericardoris Borishmaelois
  9. Beatrisharold Alisharondonna
  10. Zacharold Isaacarrie Z’chloey
  11. Cyntheodorian
  12. Estobartholomew Wilbertholomew
  13. Alexandrew Elmirandrew
  14. Antom Christophil Joseth
  15. Oscarson Connorson Cormbinc
  16. Gordonny Aaronny
  17. Kirk Kurt Kirby
  18. Ryon
  19. Gleonard
  20. Sebaschandler
  21. Kelseymourtimer
  22. Klyle Elyle Lurlyle
  23. Nedward
  24. Camillifred Camildredna
  25. Justin Jason Jay Stan
  26. Jessicathereynold
  27. Amya Romyles
  28. Angelinus
  29. Caroland
  30. Jacquinn
  31. Sinclarissa
  32. Sophoebebe
  33. Gregarett Roregisergerry
  34. Colleendsey Eileendzeke
  35. Bethanigel Annethaniles Leomarjordaniel
  36. Stephaninancy Stephraim Ezrandy
  37. Veronicolelifford Dominicholas Simonichols
  38. Karen Erin Ren
  39. Franchester
  40. Salfiona
  41. Haydennis Cadenny
  42. Samyul
  43. Susannabellenora
  44. Gwendellindsay Owendalonzo
  45. Debrabara
  46. Maddison Alysonya
  47. Felisallydia
  48. Gertrudy
  49. Kimberlyndsey Alberford
  50. Eugeannifergie
  51. Jillianna
  52. Sarachelen Shelbevshirley
  53. Douglance Halan
  54. Holliver
  55. Tamelanie
  56. Celester Leslibby
  57. Quentimothibauld
  58. Jodierdre
  59. Charlogan
  60. Marcuster
  61. Emmatticus
  62. Louisabellaine
  63. Natashawayne Shaunnon
  64. Michaelroy
  65. Henrieddie
  66. Benry
  67. Christrina
  68. Aikennethel
  69. Gabrielsa
  70. Jodie Judie Julie Jolie
  71. Stevanessabriandre
  72. Jeremily
  73. Glorian
  74. Sharriet
  75. Taylorraine Tyleen
  76. Carleen Carlizabeth
  77. Garthur
  78. Heatherbert Norburton
  79. Emmitchellton
  80. Prescotto
  81. Treymond Treycy Trevirma Trevis Travor
  82. Aubryce
  83. Breese Bruth Bluke Blaiken
  84. Ernold Barnest Arney Bernor Vernard (Fern) (Ernard)
  85. Flawrence
  86. Brendaphneal
  87. Kaysey
  88. Samandamon Romanueleanor
  89. Hectorson
  90. Dexterrance
  91. Pameron Pameliam
  92. Augustuartemis
  93. Davery
  94. Midgeoffrida Verald Humphritzgeraldinah
  95. Clyvde
  96. Clairk
  97. Dustan Danley
  98. Johank
  99. Tobitha Tobiastridley Phinneaster
  100. Jebediana Claudiana
  101. Calebron
  102. Constacy
  103. Dereka
  104. Candacelina
  105. Murraya
  106. Melisa
  107. Kimelinda Jezebella Mabelinda
  108. Tessandrea
  109. Broocolint
  110. Drupert
  111. Maryjanet
  112. Stephenie Stevelyn
  113. Elijacob
  114. Maximilliam Maxwilliam Maxingrid
  115. Delillian
  116. Jackeith Olivickieran Victorrance
  117. Joschuyler
  118. Caitlindell
  119. Pwesley
  120. Krirsten Kriley
  121. Baisley
  122. Shayley
  123. Lucasey Lucilia
  124. Merrittdith
  125. Jonald Donas Jonathaniel
  126. Penelupita
  127. Pasqualegrady
  128. Larrald
  129. Georff Greorgeory
  130. Ivanessa Igordon
  131. Caspercivalentino
  132. Maudrey
  133. Chadwichabod

Chekhov’s MacGuffin

08.29.2014 § Leave a comment

As a MacGuffin, would have to be:
  1. an object whose inherent nature is irrelevant, and which
  2. functions as a place-holding constant driving goal of the plot.

However, as a Chekhov’s thing, it must both:

  1. eventually have the effect of its inherent nature executed on, and
  2. besides the two moments of first its initial mentioning and then its ultimate use, be otherwise left unaddressed.

So on both aspect 1 and aspect 2, MacGuffins and Chekhov’s things are exactly opposites.

Also, I just like how it sounds, since “MacGuffin” has the same phonetic ‘guh’ sound as “gun”. Plus the juxtaposition of Chekhov being such a Russian name and MacGuffin being such a Scottish name is amusing, too.


How to pronounce Cmloegcmluin

05.06.2014 § Leave a comment


In layman’s terms, take the “shm” sound from “consequences, shmonsequences” then add on the word “leg.” Then repeat the “shm” and add the first syllable of “linear”. One could write the word “Shmlegshmlin” for a more intuitive pronunciation, and indeed I used to spell it that way before I developed the General American English phonemic transcription which I use for sound poetry today.

So, no, it’s not kuh-muh-low-igg-kuh-muh-loo-inn. It’s just two syllables. Sounds like a diminutive demon.

Bonus question: what does Cmloegcmluin mean? I don’t quite know yet.

Where Am I?

You are currently browsing the Wordplay category at cmloegcmluin.